Watermelon Crush Wednesday

Summer is well and truly on its way if you live in my hemisphere, which means a few things –

  • Tan lines
  • Binge drinking
  • “Salads”
  • BO
  • Public transport breakdowns
  • Annual leave
  • Trying not to be the drunkest one at the Christmas Party
  • Resolutions you won’t keep
  • Seasonal fruit

You thought this was going to be an ode to my favourite fruit of all didn’t you, oh watermelon lover? Well, you’d be wrong.

I hate watermelon.

I don’t hate a lot of things and I don’t mean to be controversial but I just really don’t understand why it has such a good rep. There are so many delicious foods in this world, why do people start drooling when watermelon, of all things, is on the table? It literally tastes like its name – water – only it’s got this weird, mushy snow-like texture, it ruins juices and fruit salads and it’s riddled with tiny black pips that you cannot avoid.

Oh, Sophie, but you can buy seedless Watermelons now!

Do you realise how unnatural that sounds?

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to get worked up. I just think that on a frooty scale there are much greater things to be excited about, you know? Like, why should watermelons just get to stomp around like giants while the rest of the fruits try not to get smushed under their big feet? Mangoes are just as juicy as watermelons, right? Mangoes are just as summery, people totally like mangoes just as much as they like watermelons, and when did it become okay for one fruit to be the boss of the others because that’s not what summer is about! We should totally just STAB THE WATERMELONS!

Do you feel as passionately against the abuse of alternate summer fruits as I do? Let me know in the comments.